Is life finally getting back to normal?

Hardly. Besides all this podcast/guild drama that ceases to go away, ive been trying to get back to life as normal, if there is such a thing. This past weekend, I had some friends I met through the old guild come to my place for a weekend of gaming fun time. We did our best to not talk about all the bullshit drama going on, but of course it came up. It was nice to put a face on friendship and loyalty, and all 4 of these guys for whatever reason…stand by me 100%. Its humbling, honestly. I really don’t see myself as anyone who should have people say that ive done things for them so they couldn’t see themselves doing anything but supporting me…its very different for me. You guys have been awesome.


While that is good, there has been plenty of bad. The father of my high school girlfriend I wrote about a few weeks ago committed suicide. Found out from my dad one night. I can only imagine what her and her family are going through. I know the effect its had on me, which honestly has been huge, and I wish I could help her, cause im sure shes going through a lot right now. Memorial service is this Sunday. Going to be odd going to that, then to a dinner with my parents for my birthday. 25 on june 8. Quarter century and all that.


It also sounds like my grandfather might have had a stroke. Word had it that he fell a few days ago, hurt himself pretty badly. My uncle is saying its looking more and more like it was a stroke. I sure hope its not, but I guess well have to wait and see. I guess hes not tracking really well right now. Not good. I might be going out to help in a week or so.

Ive been thinking about friendships ive had during my life. I guess I try to assume the best of everyone, and in the end seem to be let down. Happened in high school, college, and now in my “adult” life. I don’t mean adult like video stores mean adult, I put it in quotes because ive been out of college for a few years now, been working in the “real world” for a few years, and have met a lot of people, and am realizing that good people are hard to find. Good relationships are hard to forge. There are some that seem to be good, but are really just farces. My ability to trust people is diminishing more and more, when I hoped after the crap ive been through in my past that it would be growing more and more. I guess im just one of those people that is easy to fool. Say one thing to me, say something else to someone else, brian will never know. Then at an opportune time…BAM. Drop the bomb. Has happened with friends, girlfriends…etc. I guess I get a bit complacent and trust people to do the right thing or be good people. Maybe im too naieve, but when I start thinking about what to do about it, the only alternative I see is a lack of trustworthiness….which to me is useless. Id rather have a small group of really close friends id trust everything to than a large group of people who I wouldn’t let drive my car.


I guess im getting off on a rant. Short of it….things bad. Things don’t seem to be getting better anytime soon. People disappoint me.


Blah.